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PAGE 8 IDAHO SENIOR INDEPENDENT • FEBRUARY | MARCH 2022

When a Caregiver Dies

FAILURE TO PLAN CAN MAGNIFY PAIN

BY KEN LEVY

We got the frantic email late one night
in September: My best friend, Robert, had
gone missing from a hospital.
Robert was more than a good friend.
We had shared many boisterous and joyful
experiences over our 50-year friendship
and influenced each other’s tastes in music
and concerts, food and travel destinations.
Over the past several years, we went our
separate ways but always kept in touch,
long distance, with occasional phone calls,
holiday greetings, and yearly check-ins to
catch up.
THE SEARCH
Robert’s ex-wife Sarah, who still lived
with him, sent the email, which said
Robert never showed up three days after
a call indicating he was coming home
from the hospital. He wasn’t answering Establishing various trusts for a person left behind after a caregiver dies, like a special needs trust, can protect
his cell phone. assets from an estate without affecting eligibility for government benefits. © Sasirin Pamai, Bigstock.com.
She sent us the hospital information,
and we wondered why she hadn’t con-
tacted them herself. She ended the email sick and struggled between his faith and his After some conversation—which, unfor-
with, “Please understand the urgency here. illness to find answers. tunately, could not include Sarah—it was
Everything is in Robert’s name.” NEXT OF KIN decided to remove Robert from the hospital
We knew nothing about him being in the We could learn nothing about his con- ventilator and other treatments and send
hospital. We last heard he had retired a year dition. Since Sarah wasn’t responding to him to hospice, where they would keep him
before and was doing fine. our messages, I turned to Robert’s next comfortable until the end. How long that
I tried calling his cell. Nothing. I texted available kin, my son Dave. He was the would be was anyone’s guess. It could be
and received a jumbled, cryptic message. child of my first marriage, and his mom hours, or days.
There was nothing more. I called the house. was Robert’s sister. TRYING TO SAY GOODBYE
No answer. The hospital told us nothing, The hospitals were more forthcoming We wanted to get to him before he passed,
but we found out later he had left against with Dave. After my friend ended up in a or at least be the messengers for Sarah. We
medical advice. third facility, they sought my son’s medical live a couple of days’ drive away. Flying was
Worse, he had taken himself to another consent for a procedure. out of the question, due to COVID. It was a
hospital and done the same thing. But it was far too late. Unable to reach race against time, and I wanted to win this
Robert had very deep religious convic- Sarah, Dave sent an email to those of us last race for my friend.
tions and avoided doctors and hospitals closest to Robert, to say Robert had a can- That day, I drove 700 miles, stopping
throughout his adult life. It was against cerous growth on his back that had spread infrequently, with my son Dave and my
his very fiber to submit to doctors’ recom- extensively to his lungs. Pneumonia and wife, Jean, on board, hoping Robert would
mendations. My guess is he was extremely COPD had set in. He was not a candidate for hold out. Exhausted, we stayed the night at
aggressive therapy. Nothing could be done.

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