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FEBRUARY / MARCH 2022 • IDAHO SENIOR INDEPENDENT HOME & LIFESTYLE PAGE 9

a motel just a few hours away, hoping we down with her and explaining the situa- due to almost four months of non-payment
could get to him the next morning. tion, to following up with letters carefully of rent, and we can’t help. We could do no
But it was not to be. The call came at explaining the consequences of her inaction. more than send her flowers for Christmas,
4:30 a.m. She still refused. even as we continue to process documents
Dealing with his death has been harrow- We reached out to her estranged brother, from Robert’s accounts.
ing, beyond the actual event. who lived across the country. After repeated THE TAKEAWAY
HELPLESS calls, messages, and emails, he never tried Robert could have set up provisions for
We discovered he had been the caretaker to contact her, or us. her well-being, if only he had the foresight
of his ex-wife in his home. We arrived at There was no one else. We were all she to see to it. According to the Special Needs
their home to tell her about his passing. We had, and we live 900 miles away. Alliance (specialneedsalliance.org), various
were shocked to find a barely ambulatory RED TAPE trusts, such as a special needs trust, could
shell of the vibrant woman we’d known for Jean, who is skilled at working through have been established to protect some of
so many years. bureaucratic red tape, helped Dave get the the assets from the estate for her without
Unknown to anyone but the couple, she paperwork going, regardless of Sarah’s affecting her eligibility for government
had suffered a stroke a few years back. It left unwillingness to help herself. They were benefits.
her without most of her speaking abilities, a able, after visiting Robert’s body at the He could have relied on programs, like
skeleton wrapped in skin. She was virtually hospice, to at least obtain his wallet and a tax-free ABLE (Achieving a Better Life
helpless, and Robert had left no immediate checkbook and make the necessary contacts Experience) savings account, which could
means for her support. to cancel accounts and stop some bills. have paid expenses associated with her
We wanted to get to work handling his We couldn’t stay more than a day or disabilities, without affecting certain gov-
affairs, to help her get whatever funds—if two, and we couldn’t convince Sarah to ernment programs.
any—might be available to her from the let us assist in her own well-being. After Life insurance on Robert may have
estate as quickly as possible. But she refused we’d exhausted all possibilities, we pre- helped Sarah. He could have let others know
us access to any papers indicating her as pared to leave. As I turned toward her, she of his intentions, since she was incapable
beneficiary to any of his accounts. looked plaintively at me and whispered, “I of dealing with his loss.
Sarah wasn’t a co-owner on Robert’s love you,” in gratitude and fear. But she In any case, a little forethought for those
bank accounts and charge cards, and she remained totally non-cooperative. For all who could be left behind when a caretaker
had no cash. She refused help from outside we knew, the necessary paperwork was dies can ease much of the suffering left by
agencies, including adult protective ser- right there in their apartment. the consequences of their passing.
vices, who told us they couldn’t intervene NO WAY TO HELP Always consult an attorney before
without her consent. Shortly after we returned home, we establishing such an account or trust or
We can only guess as to why she refused heard from a hospital near Sarah. They said taking any actions to defer assets for a
the help she so desperately needed, but she had called 911 due to her inability to special-needs individual. ISI
we suspect the severe stroke she suffered care for herself. Eventually, she was sent
had clouded her judgment or cognitive to a skilled nursing facility and will likely Note: Names have been changed to protect privacy.
functions. We tried everything, from sitting never leave it. She will lose her apartment

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